By Tricia L. Ryan, LPC, NCC

Have you ever felt like something was missing in your life, but you couldn't quite put your finger on it? Have you ever secretly wondered if there’s something ‘wrong with you’, without quite knowing why?

In these moments of emptiness and loneliness, do you notice a sense of detachment that seems to linger— no matter how hard you try to shake it off?

Everyone has these feelings from time to time, but if they dominate your emotional landscape, you might benefit from taking a closer look at your past. You may be among the many individuals who have been affected by childhood emotional neglect (CEN).

Let’s dive into what CEN is, explore common signs in adulthood, and review how to begin healing from this form of developmental trauma.

Childhood Emotional Neglect: What is it?

Childhood emotional neglect (CEN) occurs when a child's emotional needs are consistently overlooked, invalidated, or unacknowledged by their caregivers. Unlike other forms of abuse or neglect, CEN often operates in silence, leaving deep emotional scars that can persist into adulthood.

Chronic emotional neglect has serious consequences. It can impair a child's ability to regulate their emotions and cope with stress; it deprives children of the emotional nourishment and support they need to thrive; it undermines their emotional well-being, compromises their sense of self, and can have lasting effects on their mental health and relationships throughout adulthood.

In fact, if children don’t receive adequate emotional support and guidance from caregivers, they may develop maladaptive coping mechanisms such as avoidance, withdrawal, or emotional outbursts, which can increase their vulnerability to mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and substance abuse later in life.

But here’s the thing: you can’t choose your parents, and you can’t change what happened to you in the past.

What you can do is learn more about how your early life experiences may have shaped the ways you currently respond to stress.

This is not an exhaustive list, but here are a few examples of Childhood Emotional Neglect:

Growing up in a household where emotions were rarely discussed or acknowledged.
Feeling invisible or overlooked by caregivers who were preoccupied with their own needs or struggles.
Being regularly told “Get over it”; “You’re too sensitive”; “Don’t worry about it”, etc when experiencing obvious distress
Being discouraged from expressing emotions such as sadness, anger, or fear, leading to a sense of emotional numbness.
Having caregivers who were emotionally unavailable or unable to provide comfort and support
Your caregiver withholding affection, whether or not you requested it

Signs of Childhood Emotional Neglect in Adulthood:

Over time, the cumulative effects of childhood emotional neglect can contribute to a range of emotional difficulties, including anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and relationship challenges.

Do you recognize any of these signs in yourself?

Difficulty identifying and expressing your emotions
An ongoing sense of emotional numbness or detachment.
Extreme difficulty asking others for help (“hyper-independence”)
Struggles with self-worth and feelings of inadequacy, even in the face of external success.
Chronic feelings of emptiness or loneliness, despite having fulfilling relationships or achievements.
Difficulty setting boundaries and asserting personal needs and desires.
Perfectionism and a constant drive to excel, often as a means of seeking validation and approval from others.

Understanding and Healing:

Author and psychologist Jonice Webb, in her groundbreaking work on CEN, describes how childhood experiences shape our emotional landscape and influence our adult relationships and behaviors. I highly recommend her book, Running on Empty, if you’re curious to learn more about this topic.

By recognizing the signs of CEN and seeking support from a licensed therapist, you can begin the journey of healing and reclaiming your emotional well-being. With the help of a therapist, you can regain the courage to form and nurture healthy relationships in your life.

Part of repairing the damage caused by CEN involves implementing consistent and meaningful self-compassion techniques, which you can also learn in therapy.

Closing Thoughts:

If you resonate with any of the signs mentioned above, know that you're not alone. Childhood emotional neglect can leave lasting scars, but it's never too late to seek help and reclaim your emotional vitality.

I specialize in working with clients who struggle with the long-term effects of emotional neglect and other forms of trauma, so please reach out through my website if you feel we might be a good therapeutic match.

Honoring and validating your emotions is such a vital step as you embark on a path towards greater self-understanding and fulfillment.

And you deserve to live a life rich in emotional connection and authenticity.

Be Well,